The Top 9 Things People Don’t Tell You About Divorce
By Daniel H. Moss, Attorney
- Divorce Brings Out the Worst in People
Divorce is difficult. Tiny arguments that built up over the course of the marriage can blow up during a divorce, causing both parties to behave spitefully. My best advice, although difficult to do, is maintain the best version of yourself possible throughout these proceedings. Seeking help through a therapist or mediator can help reduce some of this bad behavior and in cases where children are involved, provide you with a better foundation for the transition of your relationship after divorce.
- When You Have Kids, You Are Tied to Your Ex Forever
When you have kids, your relationship with your ex does not end after divorce, but it will transition into something completely different post-divorce. Your ex may become less cooperative and flexible, especially when it comes to scheduling events and living arrangements with the kids.
- Getting Custody Means More Stress
Getting custody of the children means that you will be a single parent. You will be the one responsible for the day to day needs of your child, for caring for them when they are sick, for making sure that their education, health, and extracurricular activities are taken care of. No one can prepare you for the demands or stresses of this role.
- You Will Find Out Who Are Your Real Friends
Divorce divides not only the married couple, but the families and friends as well. Sometimes friends and family members take sides in a divorce leaving you feeling alone and questioning those relationships. You may have been close with your in-laws or developed friendships with your ex’s friends. While the relationships thrived during your marriage, they can often abruptly end afterwards as people are forced or feel obligated to take sides. Divorce is when you find out who your true friends really are. Stick with the people who support you, as this is a time when you will need them most.
- You’ll Have A Lot of Questions to Answer
As people in your life find out that you’ve divorced or as the kids are adjusting to their new life post–divorce, you will be asked a lot of questions that you might not be prepared to answer. Do your best to prepare yourself and realize that, although you may be feeling a certain way, not everyone will understand the impact their questions will have on you.
- Money Will be an Even Bigger Issue
For most couples, money is an issue during marriage, but after divorce, money becomes an even bigger issue. You’ll need to learn to live on only your income. If you have mortgage and car payments, this can be a stretch. You may need to downsize after your divorce. If you have custody of your children, child support will only cover so much of the expenses.
- You Should Prepare Early for Your Life After Divorce
Prepare early for how you will live after your divorce so that you are not scrambling at the last minute to figure out your expenses and living arrangements. Save what you can and determine how much you have and how much you will need to live on. Get a good support system in place with trusted family and friends so that you have others to lean on during these difficult times.
- You Will Have to Deal with Some Relief and Grief
After a divorce, you may feel a sense of relief, but there will still be a grieving process. Even if you no longer have romantic feelings for your ex, there’s a grieving process for the end of your relationship and the loss of the expectations you had for your marriage.
- Holidays and Family Events Will be Different
Just when you think you’re over the grief and see a brighter day on the horizon, a big holiday or family event pops up to remind you that you’ve just gone through a divorce. Weddings can be especially difficult for the newly divorced. If possible, bring a friend with you to these events so that you will not only feel less lonely, but so that you can learn how to enjoy these events in a new way. This will also allow you to maintain your ties with family and friends who really do want you around for these occasions.
If you have questions or are looking for advice about your specific situation, please contact me directly at 248.855.5656 or [email protected].